MaBlok

My mum always said to me since I was young that, always find someone who will love you more than you love him, so that you won’t get hurt so much in the end.

I’ve kept that in mind all these years and I still do. But then I realize that if I follow that advice then I could never really completely fall in love with anyone. And it’s a shame to never experience the feeling of being together with someone you are totally in love with. To feel the bliss of seeing that someone fall to sleep next to you at night, and to see that someone at your side the very second you open your eyes when you wake up. And you won’t want to fall back to sleep no matter what kind of great dreams you had before because you rather lie there gazing at that someone. Reality for you then is better than any dream because you’ll feel that you have everything you need in the world when you are in love.

I use to have this mentality that when I commit myself to a relationship I must be 100% if not 80% sure that it’ll work out , else I don’t see the point of getting into one if I know that there is no future to it and that it is heading no where. Why would I want to invest my emotions in if I know that I will get hurt eventually? Then it hit me one day when someone told me that one should not focus or think too much on whether a relationship works out or not but rather embrace the experience that comes with it, because life is after all about experiencing as much as you can. Hence I decided to put my ‘emotional-self protecting mechanism’ guard down and open my heart to allow love to take its course.

But of course when completely pour your heart out, you are also placing yourself in a venerable situation where the chances of you getting severely hurt is way high. Like they say, love can make you and also break you. And when it breaks you it really ‘Breaks’ you….into gazillion pieces. And though they say time can heal all…you will always be left with a scar. But all these are common knowledge…everybody knows that. Hence there are people like my mum that resolve to warning their daughters never to love someone more than they love you. Yet we still do it. Why??? Is it not in our control to prevent it? Did we not learn from previous mistakes? Or are we just suckers for love that we allow ourselves to suffer immeasurable emotional torment to the extend that some even take their own lives to not feel the pain anymore. I wish I knew why we fall in love. I wish I can blame someone for it.  And sometimes I wished I had heeded my mum’s advice. Yet I would never trade anything in the world with it. I have no regrets what so ever for loving someone even though I know that the other party does not and could not love you back equally if not more.

Because when you truly love someone you will love them unconditionally. Be it rain or shine or whether the other party love you or hates you or does a lot of things that will hurt you both emotionally or physically, at the end of the day you will still find yourself forgiving the person. There is no reason as to why you love a person. It’s not because they are kind or they are nice or rich or funny. For all you know you can fall in love with a sadist or a druggie or even a serial killer. I think you don’t choose who you love, you just do and whatever characteristic the person portrays is just secondary, be it good or bad you’ll just embrace it or tolerate it. 

You also don’t choose to fall in love …you just do, it’s just whether you choose to let yourself enjoy the freefall or be bogged down by thinking too much on how to cushion the fall that you overlook all the exhilarating feeling of falling. And if there is no one at the end to the fall to catch you then of course you will hurt yourself a hell lot. But like a child when we fall we always learn to pick ourselves up again and run back to the top of the slide and jump for it again. Hence I guess being in love is what makes us human. And we humans do a lot of foolish things but yet we still do it. Because that is life, to experience what being human is like and that includes letting yourself completely fall head over heels in love without conditions.

Valentines day…. The annual occasion that either you hate it (if you are single and lonely) or you anticipate it (if you are comfortably in a relationship with someone special) or you love it (if you recently got hooked up and is madly in love with the other party).

As for me…well I wasn’t really prepared for it. Well something happen 2 weeks before V day and I did not know whether I would be single or not then. I think if I was single, it would be the first time in years that I’ll have to celebrate it alone… and what would I do then??? Man..I gotta start coming up with a contingency plan..(just in case things doesn’t goes in favor of my way ). But anyway it did and my dear made it pretty memorable for me as I wasn’t expecting anything. I was first surprised with the bouquet of flowers at midnight. I was already asleep then as I had an early flight in the morning. So imagine waking up in the middle of the night to a bouquet of red roses. : )

Oh well that wasn’t the end of it. The next day after I came back from flight I was pampered to a home cooked steak dinner accompanied with my favorite orange floral & Muscat wine. I think seeing a guy cook for you is one of the most blissful things on valentines day. I helped with the cooking of course, just the salad and the garlic bread. One word of advise…never ever..pitch in and help meddle around with the cooking unless you have approval from the cook. Too many cooks really can spoil the soup and the entire night. Trust me, once my ex-boyfriends’ mum meddle around with my dish that I was cooking by adding in ingredients without consulting me first. I got really upset about it and not to mention the outcome of the dish was catastrophic. But whether the dish turned out good or bad I think its wise that you respect the main cook that is preparing the dish. I mean he/she is putting a lot of effort and passion into preparing it. The final desired outcome of the dish would be like a fulfilling reward of all the hard work done. So despite all your good intention of helping, please be wary not to simply add in whatever stuff you like. Ok back to V day.

The outcome of the steak was pretty good, well at least to my standards. But as usual, my dear thought that the dish wasn’t good enough. But truthfully given the fact that it was his first attempt the red wine gravy for the steak wasn’t all a disaster. For me… as long as there is wine, any slab of grill meat is fine with me.

Overall my V day was great. I wouldn’t have wished for it to be anyway else. I mean comparing to a night out at some commercialized fine dining joint (plus their pre-prepared v day menu are never good), having steak with experimental red wine sauce prepared with a huge doze of TLC from someone special is always the better option for me. Kudos to my darling Valentine : ) .(Oh and I also got a mathmos lava lamp as my V day pressie..awesome !!!)

It was 7 in the morning and I was at the fitness centre at the Frankfurt hotel, running on the treadmill. The distance meter on the machine showed 2.25km and I had another 3 km of track to finish. I looked out the big glass window panel in front of me and saw the locals all beginning their bustling day, rushing to work or school. It all seems like a normal typical day…but then nature decided to ‘spice’ things up for me that day. Nature decided to let it snow… I nearly stumble and fell flat on the treadmill at the first sight of snow.. I was exhilarated. I mean…’Woohoo!!!’….On that beautiful day, I finally saw, felt, taste and experience snow!! It was no big storm where the ground was covered in thick inches of snow but at least I saw flakes of frosted rain fall for the sky. Hey that’s good enough for me… maybe next time I’ll get the chance to dive in and roll around in snow.