MaBlok

I’m lost and  i can’t seem to find myself……..

I’ve been seeing and meeting quite a number of people lately and I found that when i’m out …i act differently with each one of them ….

I act so differently with every new person I meet that…I think if all of them were to meet and talk about me, they wud all be like…’No way!!…tht’s not the Jane I know’.

Has the ‘wayang’ skills that I use for work everyday finally got the better of me? Have I been a little too good at masking all my true emotions and putting on a facade expected by the people i deal with at work? Too good that, even i myself somtimes get confused and misled into thinking tht it is the real me.

And with all the different masks that I use for different people I deal with I end up having different personalities…or maybe I’ve always have …,being tht Geminis tend to have more than one personalities.

But why do i change my personality like changing clothings for every different occasion..or in this case , evry different people I meet. What is my real personality then? Do I even have a true personality?

>One says that I’m bossy but at least I know what I want…and i tell people what i want.

>Another says that I’m very ‘chin chai’, easy going and I’m a good listerner…but very indecisive.

>Another says I’m a timid, goody 2 shoes, very ’si man’ kind of girl…a little reserved ad quiet too.

>Another says that I’m cheeky, witty and very manipulative with words.

>One says I do things very slow and lady like, while another says that I do things very ‘cho lo’.

So which one am I really?

I’ve seem to lost touch with my true self and i know it…but somehow I don’t know what to do about it.

Is there like an idiots guide to self-personality discovery that might be able to help me?

I think the only people who really knows me are people that I know long enough to trust. U know..people that I’ve spend significant amount of time with to allow them to piece together all those contradicting irregular specks of personality tht I show them little by little.

I guess I don’t open up my true self to anyone that easily and i don’t trust anyone that easily anymore too.

Sad things is that, nowadays its diffifult to find someone that has the patience to slowly allow me to trust them and slowly let them see the whole picture of whom I really am….

Can’t sleep now…so i’m on a blogging spree…

I feel like my health is deteriorating… rapidly too…
Ok ok i admit i have no one else to blame but myself…

I so gotta change my lifestyle….

I used to eat loads of fruits, cereal, greens, and have ‘hot proper meals’ and the usual snacks of course…
Now…i still snack…and only snack. I practically survive on chips, chocs, struddles, bread and instant noodles and wine at home.

I did make an attempt to stock up on fruits…but whenever i’m at the supermarket…i just then to pick it up…walk around the aisle and end up putting the fruit on some other aisle…
yes..the reason why sometimes u see oddly misplaced items being chucked on the wrong aisle, its because of inconsiderate ppl like me whom are too lazy to put unwanted stuff back to its original place.

Plus my snacking routine has increase a lot lately due to the fact that my sleeping patern went haywired and i am again down with insomnia….

So with the unhealthy binge eating of junk and the lack of good rest….
i feel lousy, my skins is at a horrendous state.(i think might have to resort to buying my first acne cream.) I can’t concrentrate on work…i’m tired all the time.. and i’m also hungry all the time…

But despite snacking every 2hours or less…i actually lost weight….
i was happy at first but i figured it doesn’t make sense at the rate tht i’m binging on junk it must be due to malnutrition i guess….

I’m so killing myself…. I so need my dad n mum to nag and force feed me with wholesome soups, fruits and veg and all those healthy stuff they use to overload me with…

Sigh…what to do…. this is what happen when u are all alone with no self love and no self discipline.

People….S.O.S…

The next time u see me at a supermarket — > make sure i have fruits and veg in my groceries basket.

Ask me out for dinner or makan more often —> else i’ll be snacking or having instant noodles at home.

The next time I complaint i’m dead tired and wanna take a nap in the afternoon —> forbid me to do so as i will wake up at some ungodly hour to snack again.

May I have the strength and motivation to help myself out of this rut.

I was dead tired when i touchdown into London. Nodded off in the bus with my neck in a very odd position… looking forward to the freshly made bed tht awaits me at the Cumberland hotel, a modern funky hotel with florescent green and fuschia interior lightings at the lobby ..and the bathroom..eerie. The room is relatively small but the bed is cozy.

Anyway as we were about to reach the hotel…we pass by Primark… my eyes popped up so wide my eye balls nearly fell off. That’s it i’m not waiting another minute…i’m gonna check-in, dump my stuff in the room, change and zoom over to primark.

The minute i step in it was like a flea market…wait..i think its worse tht a flea market. But heck…its Primark waddya expect…its always like that everyday. So i grabbed my shopping bag and headed for one corner of the shop…the place is so frickin huge i gotta cover sections in systematic order if i dun wanna miss out on anything.

At first i was kinda uncomfortable of having to shove around with so many women…and some whom are 3 times my size. But after picking up a few clothes i went into my own world…everything else was blocked out…the ppl, the noise, the caos… all i see are clothes, boots, bags, and lingerie…..and it was like tht for the next 4 an a half hour.

Here are the goodies tht I found:

A green long sleeve top
A glittery off-white cardigan
A lil black casual dress
A greyish clean cut coat
A mini black skirt
A pair of sunnies
A clutch bag
A black metal bangle
A pair brown heels
A pair of leather gloves
and ….sigh a pair of boots, lovely green-turcoise knee length boots (i’m a sucker for boots, i really dun need another pair…but…but…they’re boots, i love boots )

oh and loads of undies and lingerie….

The damage to my bank account came up to about 102pounds. But for 15 over items… i think its justified.

Next stop… NewYork New York!!!